


Girls' Night

by peppermint_tea



Series: Marco vs. the Forces of Gender [1]
Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Coming Out, Friendship, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Character, Trans Girl Marco Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 18:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12086601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermint_tea/pseuds/peppermint_tea
Summary: Star is having a sleepover.Marco is dealing with some things.Janna is probably going to make everything worse.





	Girls' Night

Marco Diaz was not having a good week.

On the surface, nothing major had happened. No huge crises, no giant disappointments, just a series of normal, minor problems—only a B+ on a pop quiz in math, the cafeteria running out of chicken fingers, a goblin stealing his toothbrush. Any other week, he would probably just gripe a little but move on without worrying about it.

It was just… everything felt turned up to eleven this week. It was like a storm was coming and only he could tell. Like his skin was one size too small all of a sudden. Like… some other metaphor that Marco couldn't quite put words to because none of them fit, and nothing was right, and everything was frustrating.

And, of course, there was the sleepover on Friday night.

It was going to be smaller than last time, as Pony Head had another party to go to, and Starfan13 was on a family vacation—and Star had convinced her that it was a bad idea to mail herself in a package back to Marco's house just to be there for a slumber party.

Which meant the four of them: Star, Marco, Janna, and Jackie. Which also meant that Marco was even _more_ stressed than last time, even if he had also secured a promise that they would avoid any magical party games that might kill them or, worse, drag out even more embarrassing secrets.

But being around Jackie? Just the four of them? That was the worst: a thing he should be totally thrilled about but instead he was stuck feeling something heavy at the pit of his stomach. He knew the kind of person, the kind of guy he needed to be to impress her, and also always felt like he would never be able to do so. Like it was hopeless, like it was impossible. He tried so hard and it never worked. He never felt right.

Why did this have to happen _now_? Why, in this crappy week? But then, he also realized that it wasn't even as if this particular week was that bad, and there was no guarantee next week would be any better.

So, basically, Marco's neuroses were working overtime as he paced back and forth in his room, trying to figure out what to wear.

"Denim vest again?" He marched over to the closet and pulled it out, but immediately shivered and threw it back, not even bothering to put it back on a hangar. "I wore that last time, she'd notice," he muttered to himself.

"Just wear a hoodie like always."

Marco let out a yelp, almost jumping out of his skin. Janna was lying on his bed, opening a bag of potato chips. "What are you doing here? The party doesn't start for another hour."

Janna shrugged. "Didn't have anything better to do. And it's already 6:45, FYI."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, man," she drawled out, and Marco felt his eye twitch.

"Off the bed!" he commanded. "In fact, out, entirely!"

"Jeez!" she said, but she complied. She paused in the doorway, crunching a chip in her mouth. "What's your problem, dude?"

"You're my problem!"

She narrowed her eyes, frowning at him. "Whatever," she said, wandering off.

Marco took a few breaths to calm down, not even sure why he had blown up at Janna, particularly when she was just being… well, Janna. He had known Janna for years, though neither one of them talked much about that. They used to be as thick as thieves, but ever since middle school they had kind of drifted apart. At least until Star showed up.

But even when they weren't quite friends, Janna had a annoying habit of always showing up at the worst times to affectionately torment him in some way or another. She was trouble, for sure.

…He wound up wearing the red hoodie after all.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The sleepover had barely started when the monsters attacked.

Star, of course, were thrilled about this. Marco was a little annoyed, but mostly just curious as to why they were back this time. Jackie was… Well, Marco always had a hard time reading Jackie, but she seemed to be mildly intrigued as she sat on the balcony next to Janna, watching Star and Marco fight off the horde of monsters below.

Cupcake blasts were flying everywhere, and Marco had just roundhouse-kicked Beard Deer into a mailbox, when Janna yelled something down to him that caught him off guard.

"Wow, way to go, Marco. You fight like a _girl_!"

Maybe it was because Jackie was there. Maybe it was just something that had been digging into his mind more than usual lately—at least after St. O's anyways. It was an innocuous statement, really, and a perfectly Janna thing to say. She didn't mean anything deeper by it. How could she? But still, something about it momentarily froze Marco in place.

And, as it turned out, a fight isn't the best place to suddenly freeze up. No more than a few seconds could have passed as all that ticked through his brain, but it was long enough for Bearicorn to seize the advantage and tackle him. In a flash, three other monsters jumped on in a dogpile.

"Marco!" Jackie said. "You okay?"

"Just— ow! —fine," he weakly called back.

Star blasted the monsters away with a Daisy Petal Detonation, and helped Marco back to his feet. He couldn't help but glance upwards. Jackie was leaning forward, peering down with concern. Janna was fiddling with her phone, looking entirely bored. But then for a fraction of a second, her eyes flickered up to meet his, before darting away again.

Marco felt a chill run down his spine. He felt like he had a pretty good sixth sense for when Janna was up to something. Forced nonchalance had trouble written all over it. Had she noticed— but what was there even to notice? It had to be his imagination. Janna always did have this way of getting in his head.

The monster brawl suddenly didn't seem quite so thrilling. Thankfully, that last flowery conflagration had left their adversaries battered, bruised, and covered in pollen and petals.

Boo Fly buzzed up to Star, holding up his palms in a sign of surrender. "Good fight, good fight, Mizz Butterfly. We'll zee you next week?"

"You guys gotta let me know when you're coming!" She flung an arm up towards the balcony. "I have _guests_ over."

"Well that would kind of ruin the element of zurprize, wouldn't it?"

"Okay, what exactly is going on?" Marco asked.

Star sighed. "Well, ever since Ludo vanished, these guys have been left without anything to do. We, on the other hand, are also left without any monsters to fight. So we miiiiight have worked out a deal to keep fighting every now and again. Not for serious, just for practice."

"Oh, like sparring."

"Huh?"

"You know, in karate."

Star's eyes widened to saucers. "There are monsters in karate?"

"You know what," Marco said, "never mind."

"Thumpie-bumpies!" Star and Boo Fly said, pressing their thumbs together. Star waved happily, and Boo Fly escorted the group of groaning, bruised monsters back through a portal.

Star clapped her hands together. "And with that taken care of, it's time to get back to the sleeeepoooover!"

"Woo!" Jackie said from up on the balcony.

Marco glanced up at Janna again, whose eyes were glued to her phone. "Woo," he said without much enthusiasm.

 

 

* * *

 

 

With that problem resolved, the sleepover was free to begin in earnest.

"I've got the snacks," Marco said, returning to Star's room with a bowl full of his special nachos. "So what's the plan for tonight?"

Janna was sitting cross-legged on Star's bed. She twirled a sharpie through her fingers, and her grin was positively terrifying. "Beats me, but you do all know the number one rule of slumber parties, right? _Never be the first one to fall asleep_."

Marco shivered. Jackie just laughed, and kept piling pillows at the bottom of the room's spiral staircase, eyeing the railing appraisingly. Marco momentarily teetered on the edge of a terrifying existential crisis, torn between the responsibility to insist on no skateboarding in the house and the danger of potentially disappointing Jackie Lynn Thomas.

Before he could totally freak out, Star walked out from her closet, practically buried under the pile of magazines she was carrying. "I thought we could— mph." She dumped them onto the floor. "We could…" She glanced between Janna and Jackie and Marco. "Oh. Mmm. Maybe this is a bad idea."

Marco sat down the bowl of nachos and picked up one of the magazines. _Magic Kiss!_ the title read in block letters, and underneath there was the picture of a girl posing in a robe and witch's hat. He looked down and leafed through a few more. They were all teen magazines, ranging from ones he was familiar with to stranger things that had to be from some other universe— _Pony Beat_ , _Teen Girl Scientist Monthly_ , one that seemed to be written entirely in emoji.

Star wrung her hands. "Normally Pony Head and I read magazines and gossip about the latest styles and what's cute or not, but uh…" Her eyes flitted between Janna and Jackie, then came to a rest on Marco. "Maybe this isn't the best group for that."

Marco was staring at September's issue of _Practical Princess_ , which had fallen half-open, allowing a tantalizing glimpse at the latest dress fashions. He swallowed, feeling his face growing hot. "Yeah… I mean. That's not really… my thing."

When he looked up, Janna was staring right at him with an intensity that made him flinch.

Then she rolled her eyes, grinning at Star. "Whatever, Marco can deal with it. Girls' night!"

"Girls' night!" Star squeed reflexively in response, and Janna snickered.

"Oh rad," Jackie said, picking up a magazine called _Shred!_ that had a blue-skinned girl on a skateboard on the cover.

Star glanced over at Marco one last time, a note of concern showing on her face. He rubbed the back of his head, letting out a sigh that he hoped sounded more like resignation than relief. "It's fine, it's fine," he said, trying as hard as he could to affect a casual tone. "I can be one of the girls for the night."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he was mentally kicking himself again, heart thudding in his chest.

Star didn't seem to notice anything though. She made a gleeful noise as she literally dove into the pile of magazines, giggling as she swam through glossy pages in garish colors.

Marco sat down, keeping his face neutral. He grabbed a handful of magazines at random, then slid them on top of _Princess Monthly_ as he sat them all in a stack in front of himself.

He _didn't_ look anywhere near Janna's direction, even though he thought he could feel her stare drilling holes in him. But that had to just be his imagination.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After nachos and magazines had been thoroughly digested, it was time for pizza and movies. And despite a lengthy attempt by Janna to convince them to watch some intense foreign horror movie, they eventually settled on one about roller derby that Jackie had suggested.

Somehow it wound up being just perfect. Funny, a little sweet—everyone really got into it, Marco included. At first he was worried that he would be so preoccupied with being next to Jackie that he couldn't even enjoy watching the movie, but instead it was compelling enough that he was laughing along with everyone else, like… well, like four girls who had known each other forever and were totally comfortable with one another. Or four friends anyways. Given how often Janna kept saying "Girls' Night!" just to get Star to repeat it in that weird singsongy way that she did, it wasn't odd that Marco kinda had that idea stuck in his head.

By the time the movie was over, it was pretty late. Marco hadn't exactly slept well the night before; his anxiety kept him up worse than usual, worrying over Jackie, over having to deal with being social, over… other things he didn't want to think about.

But now… Everyone was still lying in a warm pile of pillows on the floor, the only light coming from the TV. Star and Janna were arguing in hushed voices about the next movie should be. Jackie was just watching, chuckling as she finished off the last of the popcorn.

For some reason Marco actually did feel like one of the girls for the night, and that felt really, really nice. For once, a smidge of that constant apprehension dissolved away. He was warm inside, more comfortable than he had been in a very long time. For once, he actually felt relaxed, his anxieties not seeming quite so present.

Maybe this sleepover was exactly what he needed, after all.

He was soaking in that fuzzy happiness, trying to memorize the moment, when he drifted off to a comfortable sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Marco woke the next morning, he sat straight up, knocking pillows aside in momentary panic over awakening in an unfamiliar place. He heard a snicker, and looked around, blinking to clear his eyes.

Janna was sitting on Star's bed again, smirking at him. Jackie was curled up in the same pile of pillows, only a few feet away, snoring gently. And Star was nowhere to be seen.

"She's making pancakes," Janna explained, still grinning at him in a way that made him uneasy.

But then her words caught up to him, and he gulped. "Uh…"

"Yeah," Janna said, "you better go help or I think we're all going to die at breakfast."

Marco made it to the kitchen barely in time to prevent a major disaster. It wasn't until he had deftly salvaged Star's attempts to make orange-slices-and-cocoa-puff pancakes that he fully registered the way that she kept staring at him with an ear-to-ear smile.

"What?" he said crossly.

That's when Janna and Jackie arrived, the latter still yawning.

"Morning Star," Jackie said. She glanced at Marco and started smiling too. "Hey cutie."

Marco's eyes widened, his heart abruptly deciding that now was a good time to stop working.

Janna burst out into laughter. She twirled something through her fingers, and Marco instinctively glanced down to see the sharpie she had last night. And that made him realize…

"Oh no," he breathed out, feeling all the blood drain from his face. "What did you _do_?"

"Maaaarco," Star sang out. "You know the rule about falling asleep first at a sleepover!"

" _You_ didn't know that rule last night," Jackie said, sounding amused.

"Well, no, but Janna explained!"

Marco screwed his eyes shut, and tried to pull his hoodie over his face. That's when he realized something else. He had a lot more hair than he previously did.

"The first one to fall asleep gets a cute maaaaakeover!" Star chirped.

Marco looked up, blankly. All three girls were smiling at him now. "I… um. What?"

"Here you go!" Star pulled out her compact mirrorphone, and Marco flipped it open to see his reflection.

And he… looked cute.

He had makeup on, though not a lot. Just a hint that accentuated his features—the dusting of glitter across his cheeks had to be Star's contribution. His hair was longer, yes, and curly where the strands weren't pulled back into a ponytail. In the front, a hairclip with a seashell completed the look. Even his fingernails were painted: red, his favorite color. He couldn't believe he had been so distracted he hadn't noticed any of it.

Marco didn't know what he had been expecting—a sharpie moustache, maybe, or something embarrassing written across his forehead? Instead he couldn't help but stare for way too long at the girl he saw in the mirror. The girl who he suddenly, desperately wished he could be.

"Though the hoodie look is kinda lame," Janna commented. "Star, don't you think you have some dresses that'd fit?"

Star let out a squeal of pure joy.

And something in Marco's stomach turned to knots as he looked up to see Star, Janna, and Jackie all grinning at him. Something clicked in his head. This was funny, wasn't it? That was the point of a prank. This was hilarious because he should be upset. Because this wasn't how he was supposed to look. Because he couldn't look this way. Because, because, because.

Marco felt a lump form in his throat and tears coming to his eyes.

"Marco?" Star said, suddenly sounding concerned. She approached, her hands nervously moving to touch him, and Marco involuntarily took a step back. "Are you okay? M-marco?"

He dropped the mirror, covering his face and digging the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying in vain to fight back the tears and steady his breathing, even as he knew he couldn't—he couldn't stop it, even though he _couldn't_ cry, not in front of them, not now. Out of other options, he roughly pushed past Star, dashing for the doorway and running as fast as he could to his room. Behind him, he heard three voices raised in sudden alarm.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was only when he was in his room, door locked, head buried under a pillow that Marco felt like he could breathe again, and then only in between shuddering sobs.

And what made it worse was that he _knew_ he had colossally screwed up things up even worse, making a big deal out of it, making Jackie obviously hate him, making it so obvious to _everyone_ the way that…

He just couldn't. He felt twisted up inside, despair and hate towards himself merging into something worse than either alone.

When the soft knock came at the door, he barely had the presence of mind to yell back, "Go away, Star!"

He pulled himself up into a seated position on his bed, hugging his pillow. If he knew Star, she'd definitely not listen. She'd just insert herself into his life like _always_ even when he needed…

He needed…

He didn't know what he needed, anymore.

What he wasn't expecting was the silence. And then the click as the door swung open.

Janna was standing on the other side, slipping her lockpicks back into her beanie.

Marco stared at her with venom in his eyes. "What do you want?" he said.

She stepped inside, closing the door behind her. For once, she didn't wear her usual expression of smug confidence. Instead she looked positively uncertain.

"I wanted to apologize," she said quietly. "I think, uh, that I'm kind of a shitty friend, huh?"

Marco hugged the pillow tighter, remaining silent.

"It wasn't meant to make fun of you or anything." She wouldn't meet his eyes. "But it was a bad idea, I get that now, and like… really invasive and uncool and I am so, so sorry. You gotta know that none of us meant to make you feel uncomfortable. I swear. I just…"

He stared at her.

"I thought it would…" She paused, searching for the words. "Well, that it would help, I guess. That's really arrogant and stupid though, huh?"

"How did you know?" he said, barely louder than a whisper.

Janna bit her lip, eyes darting to look everywhere in the room other than at Marco. "Know what?"

"Don't. Don't act like you don't know what I mean."

"I didn't." She took a deep breath. "I… don't?" When she smiled, her expression was unconvincing. "I dunno. I mean, I could have read your diary, you know?"

"But you didn't, did you? It wouldn't have helped. I haven't written anything about…"

When Marco trailed off into silence, they stared at each other for a long time. Janna finally let out a sigh, and began, haltingly.

"Marco, we've known each other a long time, right?"

Marco shrugged. Sure, they had known each other for ages, all the way back to kindergarten. At one point they had been inseparable. But it was normal to drift apart, that's what he had always thought. That kind of thing happened. And ever since then, Janna had been not quite a friend. An acquaintance—well, sometimes a _nuisance_.

It wasn't until Star had arrived that they had a reason to start hanging out again in person. And their history had remained unstated, like they had a silent agreement to not think about it, an arrangement that worked well for the both of them. In some ways, Janna's habit of occasionally reminding Marco that she knew everything about him came across as overcompensating, a kind of warning for him not to reveal that he, too, knew more about her than he let on—that he had seen a side of her other than the troublemaker that she clearly gloried in being now.

But the Janna that was talking to him now seemed more like the one he knew a long time ago. "We used to spend weekends at the park playing together," she said quietly. "Don't you remember any of that?"

And this was the first time in years that Janna had ever mentioned their history out loud.

"So?" Marco asked.

"We used to play house all the time."

Marco frowned. He did remember, but… "And you wanted to be the dad, so…"

Janna shook her head. "Nah, c'mon, I didn't care. In fact, I thought playing house was stupid. But you always insisted, like every time, at least for like the five minutes necessary for you to realize it was stupid too." She grinned, a little wryly. "And then it usually wound up being secret agent superteam John Ordonia and Marcie Diaz fighting crime. Or Janbeard and Marceline the Pirate Queen, terrorizing the seven seas. Or any number of other things that we could have started playing from the beginning. I don't know that I thought much about it at the time, but in retrospect it seemed like you needed a reason to—"

"I get it," he said, a little too loud.

"I'm not saying that means anything. I'm just saying maybe I thought I picked up on something tonight, but it wasn't just tonight either. Maybe I thought… uh." She raised her hand to her forehead, wincing. "I sure am making this worse, huh? Why can't I learn to just leave well enough alone?"

Marco stared at her. She looked positively miserable.

He felt certain that if he asked, she would leave, would do her very best to forget that this had happened. She'd probably even make up something to tell Star and Jackie if he asked.

Marco took a deep breath. "I… um." He swallowed, screwing his eyes shut and clutching the pillow tightly to his chest. "Janna. I think that sometimes I think… I feel like I wish… No, um, that's not right. Um. Sometimes…"

He exhaled. Janna was silent, and he couldn't bear to look to see the expression on her face.

"I think I'm a girl," he finally said.

His eyes flew open as the bed shifted, someone else sitting down on it. He was totally confused to feel two arms around him. Janna— _Janna_ —was… hugging him?

"Yeah, okay," she said. "That's totally fine."

He was rigid in her arms. "Really? But I don't even know for sure. I— I think that's the first time I've even said that out loud and I don't know, it's really confusing and a little scary and—"

"Doesn't matter. It's cool." She let out a breath. "I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to say here, but like… you're still you. And I like you, a lot! So I'd rather you be happy with who you are."

"I-it might take me a bit to figure things out. I'm not even totally certain or anything. It just seems really weird and maybe I'm just in my head too much or…"

"Hold on," Janna said. "First, it's not weird, okay? Or like… not bad weird. More like awesome weird, like Star. Like you! _You're_ awesome, Marco, and I totally watched you karate chop a huge giraffe monster in the neck just last night."

He let out the briefest of laughs. "But I still just don't know…"

Janna nodded. "Sure, but if it takes time to figure out, that's still okay."

"I don't even know _how_ I would know."

Janna hummed to herself. "Well tell me, what does this feel like?" She shifted into a side hug, raising her other hand as if she was reciting Shakespeare. "Oh, yes, yes, my name is Janna, it is nice to meet you. Oh, who's this, you ask? It's my good friend! She's a little shy, but trust me, she's great. She's kind of a misunderstood bad girl."

Marco's breath caught in his throat.

"But she's awesome at karate, and you should get her recipe for nachos, they're to die for." Janna turned back to him, studying his face seriously. "What did that feel like?"

Marco's face felt really hot, and there was a kind of thrill deep inside her chest. _Her_? Even just thinking about it made her the slightest bit giddy. Her impulse was to overanalyze that, to question, did it feel special because it was right or just because it was different? Was—

But then Janna's eyebrow quirked upwards, as she frowned in worry, and Marco pulled herself back from the spiral, seeing the anxiety for what it was. "I think I like that a lot," she said, a little bashfully.

"Then we'll start from there," Janna said.

"But… Can you not tell Star? Or…" She let out a groan, suddenly thinking of Jackie once again as a new sense of dread washed over her.

Janna was smiling, for some reason. "Yeah, sure. Uh, though… I know you were asleep and all but I feel it necessary to tell you something. That whole makeover thing? I think Jackie was majorly into you."

"…Really?"

"Totally." Janna finally pulled back from the hug slightly. "And you also know Star is a magic princess from another dimension, and is totally not going to care, right?"

"I just…" Marco bit her lip. "Not yet, I think. I need a little more time."

"You got it."

Her fingers twisted, gripping the pillow. "It's really okay, though?"

"Absolutely. I mean… it's kind of exciting, honestly?"

Marco looked at Janna blankly.

"Uh, I mean, also pretty scary and unsettling I guess, I don't know." She winced. "Sorry. I just mean that like… you'd be such a cute girl!" She grimaced. "Wait, no, that's not right, either. I mean, you _are_ such a cute girl. But I mean being cute isn't what matters either, or… augh."

Marco found her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Yeah. I think I know what you mean. Thanks. It helps having someone to talk with about it, even if I'm not totally sure what to say either."

Janna smiled, in a genuine way that was rare for her. Then she looked momentarily perplexed. "Uh. We're going to need to tell Star and Jackie _something_ , though. They're really worried about you."

"Oh, right," Marco said, dully.

Janna snapped her fingers. "Got it. It's cool, everything's good, you just had an allergic reaction to the makeup."

"They'll believe that?"

Janna raised an eyebrow, sizing up Marco's face, eyes still puffy and red from crying. "Yeah, I think they'll buy that." She stood up, patting her on the shoulder amiably. "How about you take some time, get a little more centered, and then if you want to come down in a bit, we'll have some pancakes ready?" She pursed her lips. "I won't let Star cook them."

Marco let out a brief chuckle. "Yeah, okay."

Janna gave her one last smile, and then stood up, walking to the door. When she looked back, she had a smirk on her face. "You know, I bet I could even still convince them to 'force' you to put on a bunch of dresses, if you play it cool."

"…Huh." Marco twiddled her thumbs. "That wouldn't be weird?"

"Nope. C'mon, you would look amazing in that dark green dress that Star wears sometimes. You know it."

"Janna?"

"Yeah?"

Marco smiled, ever-so-slightly. "You actually are a pretty good friend, after all."

Janna grinned back. "Don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to maintain."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really happy with how this turned out. The genesis of this idea came to me in a dream, which is not that odd, but it is rare for such an idea to actually still make sense more than five seconds after I wake up.
> 
> Oh, oh, also, Teen Girl Scientist Monthly got a namedrop because they're great and I was listening to Hyper Trophy a lot while writing. (Particularly [Blood on YR Sundress](https://teengirlscimo.bandcamp.com/track/blood-on-yr-sundress))
> 
> Thank you for reading! I adore the other trans girl Marco stories that exist, and wanted there to be even more, so this was me writing something that I really wanted to read. If it's what even one other person needs as well, that's time well spent. <3


End file.
